I’m angry today, genuinely properly angry. I occasionally get cross about things but genuine anger is a rare thing for me. Today I am angry!
Bullying in any context, in any walk of life and whatever at whatever age is always wrong, always a source of pain and humiliation, always a source of fear and diminishment; but when it happens in church, in the context of what is supposed to be loving Christian community, it makes me very, very angry.
I have two friends, who are both ordained clergy, who have been bullied by those in authority over them; bullied by those who are supposed to be training them, nurturing them and taking pastoral care of them: not treating them like dirt and making their lives a misery.
The first friend is an Anglican who was undertaking his first curacy in parish after finishing training. The first curacy is a delicate time of further training and formation and its importance cannot be emphasised enough. Instead of receiving training and encouragement my friend was bullied by his Incumbent. I won’t go into the details but it was very unpleasant! My friend has had to find another curacy and move on. There was support from the Diocese and mediation leading to some reconciliation but it seems wrong that my friend, who has done nothing wrong, is forced to move whilst the Incumbent stays in post and carries on. There may have been genuine repentance from the Incumbent, but he has wounded another human being and it seems odd that he can just carry on in active ministry without time out for reflection and counselling. A Vicar who was caught in an extra-marital affair would not, I think, get off so lightly and to me bullying is just as serious.
The second friend is a Methodist Presbyter who was bullied by their Superintendent Minister. Throughout their probation they were told they had to do what the Super wanted or they would not pass their probationary period. The Super is being difficult in other ways too. There has been involvement from others but the situation has not been resolved after months of discussions.
I’ve heard of other cases too; mostly Methodist but that is because I am a Methodist. There was the case of another Probationer Minister whose Superintendent was also the District Probationer Secretary. This Super was a workaholic and made it virtually impossible for the Probationer to take their day off, study day, quarter days and even holidays, telling the Probationer that holidays are for wimps! I know another case where a Presbyter of many years standing is being bullied by the Stewards at one of their churches.
This must be stopped. It must not be swept under the carpet or side-lined; it must be dealt with. Christianity is supposed to be about love and there is nothing loving about abusing power and bullying somebody; it is quite literally a devilish thing to do and can literally put people through hell.
Bullying isn’t always deliberate. Sometimes people bully others without even realising that they are doing it, but that doesn’t make it any less real for the victims or any less distressing and painful.
We need to stamp bullying out. If you know somebody in the church who is being bullied please support them, not only in prayer and by practical support but by making sure that those who can do something about it are informed. If you are being bullied seek help: don’t let them get away with it. You are not just protecting yourself you are protecting their next potential victim as well.
Bullying is not endemic in the church, indeed most congregation members and Ministers will never encounter it, but it is there and we need to challenge it. We need to offer appropriate Christian support to both victims and bullies. Bullies may need to step aside from active ministry for a time to bring opportunity for deep repentance and forgiveness, as well as amendment of life. Victims needing healing, prayer, counselling and pastoral support.
I would ask each reader to pray for the church, to pray for victims of bullies and the bullies themselves so that this sin may be eradicated from our Christian communities.
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